3 minutes reading time
scarred face : lost face ...
physiological damage...
and how it affects : page 3..
i dont know how to tell this 'story'..
this 'story' is almost impossible to be told by a 'poor' barely engineer..
these stories are property of the rich..
i would try ... coz it might help few young peeps..
Skin disorders : dont do much to any functional human..
but it definitely : changes page 3 : it doesnt exist for uglies..
i dont really know the reasons of it...
it could have been any disorder/disease..
but god wanted to make me hate mirror and society..
in 2000 : i lost my 'looks'..
the thing was skin de-pigmentation..
a result of auto-immune disorders..
no cure : just a permanent change in life..
thats what my doctors told me..
for few years : i went daredevil with it..
it was pain, lots of food not eaten..
and after years : realization or acceptance : this is what it is ..
new forced rebirth...
a new life..
in which every loser : would have a better chance than me..
not coz of intellect or resilience : but looks..
it felt like a curse.
i lost what my life felt like..
people who wished for time with me..
now turned gods.
for an employed student : it becomes a reality ..
his success: is difficult...and nearly impossible.
i guess : i accepted it real fast...
people were made optional..
even 'mirror' became an enemy..
and savagery became a default expected reaction..
for me : the only biggest change was..
i stopped recognizing - faces.
it is difficult to imagine this...
imagine your own face : is gone..
and what you see in mirror : changes every week..
it becomes a dark joke..
faces : become imagination..
veronicas : like strange..
but their 'pretty' is akin to me watching a movie..
pretty people : and lives in different universe..
i belonged to worker colony..
where my money/salary and respect of earning it..
was still dependent on others : normal people : who know 'faces'.
it wasnt easy...
seeing this happen year after year..
decades off it..
people using your frankenstein face..
as a pity ..
and weapon : to use the skills which come with it..
i dint care much...i hated page 3 before turning ugly..
that was the scar : which made 'time' for me..
prevented me from page 3..
I guess thats why veronicas dont affect me much..
i live in a different universe..
where 'pretty' is a face..
which is just a positional matrix of eyes, nose etx..
the voices and intents : seems faceless..
logic become the only 'sight'..
that was the impossible : which god blessed me with..
i dint want it anymore..
but god and i : never used to agree..
now : we seem to be in 'sync'..
i see his dark humor..
why of it all : was to make all this...
scars : saved me.
time : decided it all...
but 'choices' or 'free will' : were always there..
i guess thats who 'faith' is tested...and formed.
the reason veronicas fail is differnt : they dont know 'ugly'
i live it.
further thoughts...
baldies : the hole strat was making me feel "less"..man looks intelligence aukaat
i knew it : even then : i was there.
ugly know ugly...he lives it..
expects it...its his hole world...
for ugly : ugly is the default. ugly is the intents and ugly are the 'results'.
it was middle klass 'knowledge' : zinc, vit d : and normal nutrients..
they caused this..
no 'doctor' knew it then.
i know it now : the cure and the cause.
i no doctor : just an engineer : still solved it.
coz i no arts crafts mugger. 😁