There are ..some changes which surprise you..
on a basic level of your existence...
...i pretty much gave up on 'life'...when it came to my 'identity'..and what it was supposed to do in 3d world..
My idea of money : was confused...
any time i had it : it became a lot of work and confusion..
Wondered : if it was me ... or my behavior..
it was quite humbling : seems like a cant seem to handle money...
something : which i had no support with, just takers.
for me : the google experiance : was reliving the same 'experiance'..
it was illogical...the more i earned, the more chaos it created around my life..
I dint change my behavior, but changed the radius of exposure..
things became better, much observable..
but the chaos still hung around..
Veronica and Amit : were a confirmation of different kinds..
the answer : which i did not like..
It was something in 'me'..
i was being too 'honest'..
the idea of 'equality' : was not interpreted as 'respect'...
but being - lose, needy, idiot, desperate - depends on the 'relationship'..
and some hard realizations : i was a guilt driven animal..
i acted : not to cause : guilt in future or regrets.
for me : it was about self respect and time...
but : that was the basic difference...in behavior..
in gratitude..
peeps : all of dem : really dont understand respect for others and their 'time'..
..they assume : dey are fun : and every1 : enjoys talking to dem...
that was a lot of self bias..
surely made by 'pretty', 'titles' and page 3.
It became clear : stupid and entitled : is a product of similarly enabled peeps, just less stupid but more proud..
who assume : their big cars, money : help make world a better place.
It was illogical yet real...
it became clear : i was delusional : and dey were 0 for me : for future and now.
it is quite a 'choice' : coz after that : its all flow, not 'thinking' or stuck in head for opinions of human pretty fertilizer.
btw : it was not me : just few overeager old failed souls : making sure : their failure is lesser than mine....
few living souls : investing their time : in draining me : quite literally and figuratively - its all 3d and hockus pockus..
those novels : after few peeps in jail. 😁