when people say ...i am delusional and flukky..
..they might have some logic to it..
..in 2003, i pretty much lost : my life as i knew it..
maybe i ingested something harmful..
or my immune system was absolutely overloaded..
and the 'circumstance' of 'home'...nerve wrecking to say the least..
the only good...was 'graduation'..
the 4 years of 'engineering': which tested my core..
and took away most of it..
4 years : were getting over..
that was the 'win' : my father needed and wanted..
there was no placement, no jobs..least for some1 like me..
whose nights for last 3 years : were just getting beat down..
or giving a beating...
with many reasons to make up for it..
i had to keep it 'hidden'..
yet the body showed it all..
few months in 'ashram'..some in hospital..
and few time : puuliice and 'events' which would lead upto it..
it was my personal visit to 'hell'..
2003 : i wished it would 'end' it all..
and it did..
as soon as officials confirmed my 'degree' ..
my father was happy after a while..
they ate, they drank..
and he died : in his mothers arms in his childhood 'home'..
And my life was destroyed..
recovering my health, skills, identity..or future of it..
my 'duties' were his 'worth'..
keeping it..
with grace and logic..
his duties of page 3 ..
a father... a provider..
coz i was the youngest "son"..
in this patriarchal society ..
who had 'inheritance' of 2 generations..
with no face or future..
just the way : i was expected to act..
when they 'knew' me.. 😆
i was not supposed to succeed..
coz i was programmed to 'fail'..
not by logic..
but by superior people..
with good 'homes' and money...
coz i dint not work for it..
i just 'got' it..
for free...
and the world should take it away..
coz they deserve the 'free'.
it is logical..
it seems like that too. 😊