4 minutes reading time
understanding layers of Purpose...
..few years back...as most of your were ‘told’..i turned delusional..
for sticking to my ‘truth’: and not settling for ‘money’.
my isolation started way before..
i spoke : but i was not heard..
it was not likey my words were lost..
but my words were ‘turned’ to be used against me..
i realized this long ago...after losing the ‘things’ which mattered more to me.
sure : i was being robbed of money and whatever..
jealousy : was the flavor of those years.
but that dint happen : by coincidence..
i was lead to it..not aware about it.
at some level : i understood my role..
i was born to attract the worst..
and to present a ‘choice’ to dem...
a choice ; which dey cant walk away from...
it was too delusional : to even believe that about urselves..
but here i was : aware of what drove the crowd of middle klass around me..
always surprised by my bouncing back, when i was ‘done’ for..
as they planned. as they schemed : to feel better about their safe lives.
I really did not know. I seem to bring out worst in people : the people who are ‘attracted’ to me. For hell knows i dont really care about any 'precious’ : ever.
It is a self respect thing for me…as old as i can remember : the thing which my grandfather taught me : the only lesson.
never take gifts : be 1.
He said it when he handed me a rs 100 note to have some ‘beer’. he was old school that way. he feared my father has tamed me beyond recognition.
the beer : was supposed to ‘help’.
My ‘hack’ : was my willingness to help. It is a father-less thing.
I felt its effects : ever since i completed my engineering. Bagging a job was hard work without middkle klass culture of ‘references’.
But, i got a ‘gift’ of a job, which gave me my ‘values’ and purpose. Money and work : the things i wanted : were mine.
Even in 1st job of 15K in hand, was enough in 2004..more than i needed or wanted.
Repairing the hole left by untimely departure of father and his hindu society duties : became ‘purpose’.
Money attracts the worst. Being good at computers : made sure i attracted the worst of dem. Competitive beyond ‘logic’ or achievements..
but a 0 likey me : out performing dem in now : attracted worst of dem. Most of dem stalker copycats are the bad seed which i hacked to get this 0 journey along.
It was the mugging superiority : coupled with surnames and sometimes ‘titles’ of famed colleges and ‘proud lineage’.
It became a pattern…some java intellect would become ‘fren’ and start competing : and getting shown his true ‘aukat’ in few months.
but winning on ugly nerdies was never a high. it became a pattern. Worst of dem asking for help : coding, domain or just : problems..
and den acting opposite : just to prove : i am wrong.
I am wrong for me : my career, life money : spoke for itself.
It was just the lazy : assuming ‘success’ or ‘money’ is some stroke of luck : likey having a balding godfather in some industry.
I had choice of those : found those reprehensible : all of those ugly balding money rich, brain empty : insecure hack of old men : acting ‘man’ to please a page 3 audience, by different forms of ‘money’ : exclusivity, title, awards, veronicas : or just plain old boring rehashes of ‘safe stories’.
Angry bosses and seniors ; with a happy team and juniors : became a pattern.
this pattern : repeated wherever i went.
It never left me : it chose me.
It became : purpose.
sure it sounds self grandiose and ego satiating. but that aint my purpose.
This is evolution of purpose from L0 - L2.
L0 : my skills capabilities : identity
L1 : family/frens/teams
L2 : impact of it all : the idea of success.
Those are your typical stages of evolution for any1 : not just me.
When u start taking those ‘risks’ and making those ‘choices’
…u ll see real face of snakes : and how dey multiply : mentally and slithering.
They are everywhere : more so around u : when u start ‘growing’ : only den u ll know.
Source: https://codeparity.substack.com/p/delusions-and-risks-of-dem