i was compiling the 'words' for the book..
..doing some designing stuff...
i realized - was quite - 'bitter' 🫠
it has been few years..
and last few years : have been the most transformative ..
dey have been difficult : and easy at the same time..
i cant help wonder...but appreciate 'time'...
few years back...it was much of survival..
and much of angst..
i thoth i will miss much from my past life..
but i dont..
really thoth hard and long about it..
i can admit ... lots of it was 'ego' and 'materials'..
the "needs : wants" ratio - definitely got recalibrated..
it is not much ... but a simple lesson..
working on 'self' or exploring your 0..
is way more rewarding as an exercise - than any title/job etx..
and it becomes really simple..
all i got to do, is just try to be a good father..
and i hope the kids would understand.
adults dint : baldies wont..
but i hope - it becomes more of 'logic' of organic kinds..
rather than much of bleh blah..
more of execution..
less of baldies ...less of bleh blah.
i hope the 'bitter' part : makes it a logic organic growth path..
rather than some sheikh chilli s dream/delusions
thanks for the company though... ☺️
further thoughts...
much of it - was finding 'why' of illogical of behavior..
bullying - was mee forte by default..
but 'logic' or 'why' of dem - behavior : was the puzzle..
it was jealousy mostly - but hidden by some very thick layers of hacking of protocols.
surely middkle klass spends more time in psy/op and hockus pockus of the secret kinds...
but cant seem to just - work and word sincerely.
i think we made a culture of kewl wins on others - iq/identity.
coz thats what white masons do and done. 😇
it is quite 'satisfying' - understanding 'value' of 'time'..
done more in last 4 years than the 40 years preceding it..
and programming amit jee on side of it...
being surprised at urself is quite a nice feels.
not much of discovery...
but time does quite a good job in creating 'tree' of thoths..
the words of it ...the order of it...the tree of it..
aint it weird - the gestalt of the symbol is riting the book itself.
it is quite - recursive or me is delusional still.. 😵💫
we ll noe ..someday🤣