4 minutes reading time
dear 'hope' 🪔
...let me share my perspective of your 'name'...
it was hope of different kinds...
wen it was 'innocent'...
u delved into all my 'darkness'..
..to 'evaluate'...my 'rank' in stable bois...
i dont count - work of my forefathers : as my own...
aktanwar - wanted to escape it all..
leave it behind : it was easy, it was cheap..in value..
and the 'hope' it was.
short - i wanted to leave my inheritance and whatever came with it...
i guess - dem few crores..and my general..attitude..
is something - not leadership...
...saying 'yes' to olded balded useless : is not leadership for me.
i accepted that ... the 'choice' to leave it behind..
was priority - for kids and future...i already had 'hints' for ..
and being a googler ...and ignoring what was happening..
was the 'test' of me and u..
not 'us'...
but of 'identity'.
i have come to the conclusion...
that we live in a recursion...
we are told - few things about ourselves..
some as zodiac, some as surnames, and some as 'nationality'..
and all of dem - are 'protocols'...
which were 'before us'...
dere is no 'method' to noe..
which came before..
the zodiacs...
or us...
did their definition and our reading of it..
caused a spell on us...
or was the spell already - casted and we debugged it?
it is a mental - chicken and egg of 'ideas'..
but 'why' : has a limit : if 'future' has to be quantified..
i dont get the 'pleasure' of living in 'nice' world..
...my mind is my bane and purpose....
both halfs of it..
and dey find balance - in different things..
not easy things..
and not - defined things...
to be honest...
me noeing : is my bane..
and the result of all 'this'..
my 'logic' is quite weird..
the way u kept the ded identity of aktanwar alive...
and built a hole - banglaHole on it...
tells me - something weird..
aktanwar meant more ...
coz wen u wanted him ded..
u went in - with all 'faith'..
and wen he resurrected with hole of his 'identity'..
ur faith would be - broken.
i dont think u ever asked 'why' of fixing a game..
where u were already - winning..
i noe - it was 2x 'returns' - money x approval x promotion x kudos.
that is why it was a 'test'.
i dont care - what comes off it ...
for i think - i passed.
...i 'liked' your 'name'...
more than your 'identity'.
...and i cant deny my - 'name'.
...i got to spell it out ...
coz i dont want to create any karma..
or 'regrets'....that is your 'experience' and 'win'.
we magnets : but not 'aligned'...
just orthogonal hence - parallel - metaverses.
unkle comics for others 🙂
...i noe : u cant help - 'trying'...
but it is for 'shame' ...
not 'glory'...
and that is exactly where i did not want any of 'us' to be in..
yet - here we are...
sum of 'choices'....irony of 'time'
further thoughts...
for me - it was test of 'values'...
do i give up on 'values' - which made me - aktanwar..
or devolve 'aktanwar' into values which were 'compatible' with me 'bios'..
bios - of me forefathers..
the same bios : which made me reach google and hence rest of it..
the answer was clear ....
not easy - yet 'logical'..
and logic : is all what has led me to - me. 😵💫
the best part ...
i think is the 'irony' of stories - which were told..
the kewls of page 3...drove dem stories...and ego invented it..
... u r innocent...for u dont even noe - how predictable u r. 🫠
about this 'change' of 'identity'...
i realized - even my 'identity' of aktanwar..
was layered and built on by - false constructs, religons, expectations, approval..
..
i had to find the last 'home'..
it was mee - forefathers..
so i had to have the courage and gratitude - to honor : what works..
and 'why'.
i am as surprised as u...for i did not noe - the 'path' to mee - destiny..
and that is why i likey the name - 'hope'..
u did ur - 'purpose'....the objectives were achieved...
the 'path' was 'new'. 😵💫