Sweets moms...is the pride/ego..
or the 'choices' : which all stacked up?
or is it the friendly neutral ear : which has been 'guiding' u all along..
using money/lust/approval/happiness : to live you day by day?
i really cant imagine what it feels like...
i remember the alone version of it..
the laughing and mocking version of it..
i think u still wonder : why it dint 'hurt'..
it hurt in different senses of 'time'...
it meant : nothing i can do or achieve : can ever 'help' me...
which meant : the growth of 'identity' was 'impossible'..
not by me : for your royal 'desire'
to be honest : i had doubts about me..
a man or a lcm of father...
i wondered : what my 'use' is ..
purpose : seemed too big of a word.
u did write the metaverse of my 'path'..
it meant : 25 years of 0
sure : it was surprising..
i dint know much of it : right hand : still ached..
and career : that would have to wait : since hand : kinda L0 for 'keyboard'..
'mind' dint matter..
for few months : i just tried to spend time with kid, dogs..
i really dint know anything : morals, religion, feels, money...
nothing made sense or 'value' to me..
sure 'money' was there...
but i dint know its 'value'...
i could live for some 'time'...
but reasons : was just being a msp of 'indi father'..
who has 'lost'... so really : he has nothing to 'teach' which works.
the habitus : the village and all...
thats my 0..
what made me...
i had to revisit it : multiple times..
to make sense out of it...
coz something lead me to that 2022...
it was always 'choices'...
i needed to find where : and what sticks to me..
for reason of this 'pattern' : was too '0'
the reasons : were apparent ...
yet to 'ugly'...
that is where those 18 months of 'free' will went..
your free will : was ensuring your 'free will' prevails.
and it does : should do : u earned it or inspired it ...
i have no reasons for debugging those..
it seems like our professional hacks : lead to something unexpected..
i am yet to discover where it leads to..
for man..
for science..
for balance of it..
I ll share my 'hope' or journey part of it...
it is not 'amit'...
it is not even the fren/familia : who have been caring for u : consistently
it is what you see yourselves as .
pretty.
It would rile u further...
and thats 1 hack which i "love'...
coz it may teach the daughters : when they 'choose'..
i wasnt the right choice..
but why i was a choice?
time?
synchonocity?
or something quantum?
as far as hate/love goes : it seems immaterial..
we serve a purpose : in weird ways. 🙂