kids...
the biggest disadvantage of coming from the 0 background..
is the 0 worth cockroach jar...
sure they are your familia and frens.. who you want to trust..
but the 'habitus' of such origins : tries to pull you in : to feel better
1 - 99 ration : exists in all forms of skills..
for me : it became a revolving door of people/frens..
who would constantly talk behind my back..
just to feel better about their 0 lives..
this 'stink' of cope : sticks to you..
they are the people : who represent you..
in the hole world, hence affect your perception and opportunities
the more i grew and travelled..
the wider the economic and social gap became...
it came to a point : where i had to keep shut and quiet..
just to make these avg comfortable lusers : better about their lives..
functions, moments to celebrate..
all became : pathetic.
money, time, advise, opportunities...all squandered away..
coz lusers : like attention and pity..
to the point of self sabotage : just to make sure
coz they are all failures in their lil worlds..who want to feel better..
by 'winning' on the only winner they know.
it gets dark : siblings, childhood frens...all become part of this dark sphere..
which engulfs your identity..
it wasnt the surname exactly...
it was how the name : was interpreted.
it is a typical inf* to narc relationship..
which are just like an animal and parasites.
phew : it seems dark...
yet done and past.
i kept quiet : coz it made the mediocre appear : smart and succesful.
they 'needed' the win.
i just needed : my life back : debugged : untainted
new.
i got a kid to raise : who seems just like me..
who was born in same gutter : which looks like 'home'.
i believe losing my father : was the start of it all...
and thats the 'generational curse'...which was put on my lineage...
not by others : but by familia. 😶
cant let it happen to my kids : my duty .. my dharma.
further thoughts...
i am their constant living reminder : of what they could have 'achieved' : if they worked hard, rather than complaining.
my success : reminds them of their 0 lives.