kids...
i really want you to understand 'friends'...
a veronica told me that...
ever since i started working..
it was clear : i dont have a 'home'...
and i could not afford 1..
sure i got 2/3 houses...
but house and home : seem very different things..
a home feels secure..
it feels like you have 'time'...
and anything you put in your home : remains there.
but a house : promises none of these things..
house can be big...full of people with smileys..
but the 'security' : never there
it is mostly a mental concept..
but most people, dont realize it...
the reasons : i dint have a 'home'..
were different...and thats what i would keep for later novel..
i do wonder : where all the money i earned for 20 years..
went..and how do people justify it..
taking it with all the houses an stuff.
it feels like a loss of time..coz i dont want that money/house..
with the same people : who prey on it...feel jealous of it..
and sharing : seems like an insult to them.
i had a feeling of home...a brief moment of it..
at certain points in my life : flashes of it.
the best moments of my life yet..
seems like 'walking'..
walking with frens and different veronicas..
on road..to different places...or just for the heck of it.
that dint cost much..
and that dint require a 3d house.
i am old now...
dont seek a home anymore...
but a provider of it...
my healing was different..
it was realizing houses are cheap for me..
and they do come around easy...
xoz i rarely stay in them...
i was wandering around...finding that feeling of 'home'..
which became my 'hack'..
lots of people hacked me..
till i realized ... some things are 'given' for few people..
and they never 'value' what they have..
they values the money, the lifestyle and the 'titles'..
what it could do for them...
it took me quite some time to understand it..
debug it..
i feel healed... and my 'home' seems in reach..
i know who and what exactly wanted to destroy this feeling..
it was quite dark...something which would make any1 hate humanity..
and i did hate every1 for a while..
not so much now...it wasnt me..
it was something else
i have found it now...feel healed..
and thats the feeling : i can never get enough..
after few 25 years of living it..
the 'wins' dont mean much to me..
when this moment of clarity : seems to out value them all..
somthings were impossible for me..
coz i accepted them as impossible.
i am not seeking any veronica or anything really...
just trying to share : how it can be...
for few 'rich'...yet 'poor'.
it felt alone : yet, it never really is..
a home : heals.
further thoughts...
a house hurts : time / money /emotions...or just upkeep of it..
a home : heals.