3 minutes reading time
As this last week of this year ends...
i cant help but reflect - what i really did in last year...
and last few years, really.
The reason - is not really 'revenge' but 'right'.
right of being born, and what happens after that - living it.
there are certain things which become absolutely clear - I live a society of backward peeps, who would rather go back in time, then live the 'present'.
I call that fear. Fear that their ancestors would not keep up, got defeated by the most dumbest people in the world, yet ancestry and the proud feeling of relative riches amongst the 'poor'...
gives them comfort and cope : of a surname
Which acts a beacon of 'combined kukness' : caste gangs and i call them.
Thing which absolutely become clear - i hate current version of convenience called Hinduism X Capitalism.
Surname - mine : is gone. "Ram" is the surname of my familia...embracing that 'name' makes me a 'tool' of pentidasses : the mouth kuks : of worldwide 'runners'.
Surely : the names and sanskrit : has nothing to offer me, just hacks which berate me, and gives some intellectual imaginary leverage for some +ve hockus pockus pentidass : who could not even protect their woomen/kids - ever.
I want to create a new identity : not coz of any 'revenge' of googley kinds or any 'habitus trauma' : i just find it 'illogical' and played out.
The reason i went into all this bleh : i wanted to understand my 'resistance' to finishing this.
I could ve wrote a book of self discovery : which would ve been more valuable than any best selling feel good garbage out there...even a year back.
The reasons of not finishing the 'task': puzzled me.
Ai would ve made it 'nice'..could ve generated a lot of fruity bleh blah ...and gotten a job or started a consultancy...money flow kinds...
but i dint.
I wanted this to be 'pure' : without my self bias.
My bias , reduced with time...thats how i measure 'growth'...
emotions are reactions : i was living choices imposed on me...
the fire and the anger : was uncontrollable...i used it like a fuel...
i think i know now : how to use this 'toxic' fuel.
Revenge : of getting my self worth back : that was my personal 'war' : i cannot let a computere hack of company define my 'life'...no matter how 'unapproved' it may be.
I lead to lot of 'wars' : kuk wars.
Kuk wars dont end : coz kukness is fear - fear of the 'unknown' and weird.
Googleys : their combined attribute is simply 'lying' : pichai is the ugliest actor who hacked image of nerd : to make page 3 populist statements.
Thats a top 'hindu' doing hindu things again.
That was the 'top : which i dont want to conquer.
I just want to avoid it.
I like India coz it made me .... not because it owns me.
Gratitude : is a currency with nature and god.
I am gratuitous to earth : it has treated me kindly everywhere i went - desert, beaches or corporate drone buildings.
The people : not so much - they earned it.
I likey the wolfie life : it makes no promises to the 'surnames' and their entitlement : just capitalism : played on 'leverage' and 'value'.
So now, i can go all engineer on it...i got no resistance in my mind.
Kirand can googley the hole world - no care : go ahead : its a good 'story'.
I made a new 'identity' out of it. Thats all i needed/wanted.
a year spend to undo 42 years of it.
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